Tangled.

across the bowl filled with houses and streets

I see the jagged rim, cracked and covered in hues of green

the sun doesn’t quite paint all the crevasses and dips

trees sway in the december wind like waves that crest at the peaks

inside the bowl there are many souls who are always moving

like threaded beads on strings that weave around each other in an intricate web

a constant reminder of how beautiful stillness is…

but we all have obligations and days to pass

the hums, honks, and hustle fill the air like fresh-baked bread aromatics

in the shuffle, sometimes the beaded strings cross over their predetermined course

tangling up with someone else in the web

two people, two souls, two separate lives, two beaded strings, tangled together

 

whenever these lines cross we call it love or chaos, a first kiss or a funeral 

you may untangle from someone else but your strings will never be the same

your stories will always have dog-eared pages that you flip back to from time to time

im on top of the rim where I can see the movement and flow of the people in the city 

I see the network of strings weaving thru it all

I see how they get tangled and untangled and how that affects the web as a whole

I have watched my own strings get knotted up and then untied

and I can see how that has changed the course of how i am threaded thru time. 

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Saguaros.

People grow like saguaros

Slowly, producing piercing thorns

But also beautiful, punchy, red flowers

That stand out against a vista of dusty green and tan

And learning how to shape those candelabra arms

Takes time and patience and nurturing

And time and patience and nurturing

spilling coffee on my favorite shirt.

november 24, 2018 — 12:15 am

;

what were you in love with?

was it my words?

oceans wash the night’s array

displayed fragrance of petals washing ashore

quietly; pausing by your feet

stare at them, smile, and feel it against you

is that what you wanted?

was it my actions?

discharged lover walks amongst the streets

a treasure buried deep within their fragile faces

places a guiding hand; follow me

stare at them, smile, and feel your empathy

is that what you wanted?

was it my love?

thick thistles lay waste around the dried grass

fastening tightly to all its got; roses sprout

and they neither leave nor die, simply grows and stays

stare at them, smile, and feel the passion

is that what you wanted?

was it me?

libraries, galleries, and concert venues

aligns caffeine with nicotine and too much care

a robin in the air; the bloom dawns to michael

stare at them, smile, and feel the memorable

is that what you wanted?

or was it the idea of us?

crush; stay up for the sunrise after watching the sunset

hands locked longer than destiny becoming eternity

lips, touches, loves, and roses

— stare at them — stare at them — stare at them —

is that what you wanted?

;

two.

the number 2 is a peculiar, isn’t it?

it’s a double whole and half of its double

it represents when one and one become

more than one and less than three
and yet, it still reminds me of being lonely
as one whole adds a second whole

yet my whole is really only a half

and your whole can only add an extra half

for a short amount of time
the number 2 is a peculiar number, isn’t it?

although half can fit into one-half

one-half cannot stay connected to a half

rosy cheeks and tiny dimples.

sailboat eyes

floating in a sea of black waters

may you never capsize

as i fantasize

about sailing these seas

with both our hands

on the wheel

my prayer is that this sailboat takes us

nowhere if it means staying here with you,

somewhere if it means sailing more with you,

anywhere as long as

we are voyaging this ocean

together

a mermaids kiss can direct a sailor

to the treasure that he’s been searching for

and although the jaunt ends near the pink waves

it makes a stop memorizing her

rosy cheeks and tiny dimples

a sleepless city finds rest in your voice

as solace and peace is found harmonizing

rendering the greatest of heart breaks to ease

thus creating a masterpiece

although we have tithes to the memories that we’ve made

the greatest memories are the ones

that have yet to be created

and i look forward

to the journey ahead

signed, your co-captain

a doe and i.

i left something in my car

i always leave something in my car

 

as i walked outside my apartment
my cheap two bedroom apartment
my barely staying alive apartment
my don’t know what i’m doing apartment
my life is falling apart apartment

 

i noticed a doe standing at a distance
i noticed that a doe noticed me too

 

i didn’t know this doe
i didn’t know if this doe knew me
but we locked eyes on each other
like the first love i had
and the last one i lost

 

i didn’t know much about this doe
i didn’t know if this doe knew much about me
but it seemed as if we’ve known each other for awhile
but not in a good way

 

we continued to stare
as if the cars separating the space
in between us we’re just a
hinderance to what we have
and what we have not
and what we could have
and what we could not have
and what we had but couldn’t have‪

and what we wanted to have but you changed


and what i wanted out of you would never be the same
and what i had for you, you had it too
and then you had
but then you had not had
and what we could have
you couldn’t have it

 

and this doe knows it

 

i didn’t know this doe
but i feel like this doe knows me
as if it has been studying me my whole life
as if it had been the only thing that
knows me on a deeper level
as if i had let it in at one point

 

it stared at me like it knew me
and it hated me
as if it has known what i’ve done
what i’m doing
what i’m going to do
what i had to do
why i had to do it
why you made me do it
why you forced me to do it
why i lied awake almost every night
and why what i did
i never should have done
because i wanted you
but i should have done it too
because i never knew you
just like you didn’t know me too
just like you didn’t want me too
just like you wanted to know me
just like i wanted to know you
but you didn’t want me
but you did want me and then you didn’t want me
but i wanted you
i wanted you

 

i heard a noise in a bush behind the doe
and i knew what had come to be
i spent a few moments with this doe
but the doe never wanted to spend these moments with me

 

so i left this doe
and i did not look back

 

because pain is staring as life passes.
drifting leafs rest on rocky future.
and no doe is worth a moments flash
if she’s hiding a buck behind your back